Friday, November 12

Day 12: On Bidness

I'm over here working toward getting a website rolling, purchase a domain name, and get business cards printed. I tried once already and it was such an incredibly lame attempt. To get business cards. This stuff takes a lot of creative energy to develop and I struggle with setting myself in motion.

Goals are blinding me with their persistence. I want to be a photographer but not like a professional one. More like a good one. That people pay to document their weddings, senior, and family portraits.

I am studying to be a birth doula. Not very fast, but I'm working on it. Remember my problem with reading? A stack of four books on childbirth and my training manual are keeping me company as we speak, placed just where they belong: on the shelf under my end table. With the latest Rolling Stone and Real Simple sitting like cherries on top. Their insides yet to be explored.

I'll get to them, all of them. I swear. I just don't know when.

Stretching myself too thin is a scary concept for me. I watch people around me put their hands in so many different pots. While I admire these characteristics, I can also admire my own ability to attend to what I need to on a daily basis: Raise three kids and go to work. That first part? The raising three kids part? Is fucking huge.

On top of the being a professional part and raising three kids stuff, I'm wanting to pursue my photography business and hoping expectant couples will invite me to help them have the best childbirth experience they can.

These two goals are solid, I know this. How can I feel like I'm walking on the moon instead of trudging through the muck of self-doubt?

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