Don't Ease Me In

The Grateful Dead sang that and I have no idea what it's about. This is the line I've been saying to myself for the past few weeks as I myself have indeed eased in.

My decision to go back to work full time has been met by such comments as "I don't know how you working moms do it!" "Are you sad?" "Don't you miss your kids?" "Are the kids ok?" Followed by martyrous statements from women twice my age like, "I stayed home 15 years after having my kids. There's no way I could have gone back to work." And the rare, "Good for you!"

It's not about what these women think, are projecting onto me, or how I react to these statements. Exercising my right to utilize my degrees is the best choice for my entire family. Being able to say, out loud, I AM NOT A STAY AT HOME MOM has been my greatest admission over the last 7 years.

I often challenge the societal expectation that when women choose to have children they must then have no choice and stay home. Talk about going to work full time! As one of my dearest friends once said as her husband urged her to get up one morning, "as soon as my feet hit the floor my day doesn't stop."

Unless you've done it, you can keep your mouth shut. Not all of us are cut out for all that is required of us. Some of us choose to medicate, self medicate, or go through the motions, unhappy in the role society has chosen for us.

Moms like me are left feeling inadequate. I didn't have the desire to create crafts or take the kids to this story hour or that play gym or breastfeed them til they're 9. Instead, I was left feeling resentful and irritated by their mere breathing. MY KIDS! Have you met them? They're hardly the types to drive you to drink in the afternoon or lock yourself in your room and cry; one I started getting way too good at and one I truly started contemplating.

Please throw me in.