Saturday, November 6

Day 6

Please don't be confused by my inherent ability to live in the present yet post from the past. It's something that runs in my family and we really don't like to talk about it. Someone, some distant cousin, once told me it had something to do with the CIA or a lamp or some mountain or a wardrobe, but I'm just here to tell you to go with it.

Jon really doesn't want me to talk about this, so I'm going to do my best to respect that. While still blogging about it.

First of all, each couple deciding to split needs to explore mediation. Why we didn't do that the first go-round is beyond me. The fact both of us wasted so much time and money on attorneys and the judicial system really aggravates me.

Second of all, and this is the good part, not all married couples deciding to divorce hate each other. It's amazing how many people doubted Jon's and my ability to maintain a relationship of friendship and support while putting our kids' needs miles ahead of our own. It was traveling to the over-explored, dysfunctional, expensive, developing country (I know, right?) of Traditional Divorce that really made me open my eyes to the possibilities of what Jon and I could actually accomplish if we put our minds to it and told my stupid attorney to fuck off. That and the native language these people speak makes no sense at all: legalese

Not to mention the invaluable lesson of payinging attention to my own needs alongside my kids'. Because in my book? A mom who isn't in tune with who she is, - or at least beginning to listen to herself - is going to travel through Traditional Divorce's neighboring province of Losing Your Identity. I hear they have a good underground system of public transportation, but that's the problem: Nothing ever surfaces there. You pretend to be something you're not without exploring what really exists. What really makes you feel secure and confident. Because this system keeps you going in circles without getting anywhere. Scary place, you guys. I've been there. My visa apparently expired and I was stuck there for TEN YEARS.

I am here to encourage you to explore mediation before ever talking to an attorney. Sure, attorneys may be required at some point. But not right away. The beautiful part about it is you can decide that for yourself. You dictate the speed at which this process travels. No one else. If you're amicable with your ex-whatever, go for it. Try to iron out what you guys need to address with someone qualified to facilitate conflict resolution. You won't be disappointed.

Editor's Note: How validating is THIS!

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