I may or may not be losing my mind

Meanwhile, some girlfriends of mine and I are going to see Tom Green tonight. My memories of him include his bout with testicular cancer, being married to Drew Barrymore, and his MTV show from the 90's that made my inner 15-year-old boy laugh so hard root beer simultaneously foamed and squirted out of my nose.

My horoscope.com horoscope for yesterday:

"An unexpected opportunity could temporarily throw your life into disorder, Aquarius, but you will see from the start that this is a definite stroke of good luck that you shouldn't let pass. It could involve money, a chance to move to your dream home, or relationships in some way. Whatever it is, you're definitely going to be happy about it."

Last night, my about-to-fall-asleep brain threw me into thoughts of What if Tom Green gives me his phone number! Maybe he'll ask me to go on the road with him! And write for his blog! And then we begin a relationship! AND I MOVE TO CANADA!

That would definitely throw my life into disorder.

Wouldn't it be just my luck to have some wackadoo "stroke of good luck" like this? No, actually. It wouldn't. Because I'm the perpetual raffle ticket holder who never wins a goddamned thing.

It is fun to think about, say, strolling the streets of any foreign land with Anthony Bourdain or being courted by a some silly nutjob like Tom Green, though.

Give me a topic, you guys!

My guess is you were concerned I was sent off to an erotica boarding school, what with my lack of entries after my last post. Perhaps you envisioned me studiously learning about different BDSM paraphernalia while enjoying break out sessions on What Exactly Nipple Clamps Can Do For You!

Where has my creativity gone. I often wish I was one of those freelance writers who are given topics to cover. At least then I'd know what I have to write without pulling something out of thin air. Or my ass.

Let's try something new here: Comment on this here post and tell me what you want me to write about. And I will!

Ready....GO!

Wednesday April 28

You know? I totally want to commit to typing something, posting anything, at least once a day. Previous to this Come To Jesus moment, I would unfortunately psych myself out of posting because of the self-imposed pressure to be funny, unique, yet profound.

But you get nothing yet, my one known reader who passive-aggressively successfully encourages me to get to writing.

According to my banner, it is still winter. And we still drive The Sprinter. Perhaps some subtle updating is in order. This I can promise you.

Ahhhh inspriration!

I've just joined the group Moms Who Drink and Swear on facebook. Finding this niche of women got me thinking...

Being who I am has come at some cost. Cost I am willing to let go. I've pissed off a lot of people. I've watched friendships whither and vanish. Somewhere along the line I vowed to myself that I would never be inauthentic. With myself or anyone else. You ask what I'm thinking? How I feel? I'm going to share my honest gut level truth with you. As well as myself.

Ongoing practice of kindness, respect, acceptance, openness, and tact is in process.

Growing into adulthood, I've learned a lot of people choose to be who they think they're supposed to be. Do what they think they're supposed to do. Allowing others' expectations to affect who we truly are is a slippery slope to a bottomless pit of self degradation and depression.

For me to be honest and true to who I am has relieved a lot of unnecessary hemming and hawing. Second guesses. Self doubt. Instead I have chosen a life of authenticity while focusing on self love. Tact is a tough one for me. NO SHIT! But, my dear friends, what you see is what you get. I have said that forever and ever and now feel I am truly living it.

Sure anti-depressants help, but after a lot of effort and conscious choices, I am who I am. I will not bend to pretend to be something or someone I am not. And I catch a lot of flack for that. Many struggle with honesty and authenticity. Guess what? That's about them. Not me.

Challenge yourself. Stand up for what you believe. While practicing respect, kindness, acceptance, openness, and of course, tact, do what you want to do. Even though those in your life may not agree with or accept you for it. That's about them. Not you.

Go drink and swear, you guys. You deserve it.

I'm gonna share some gratitude and shit

I actually feel inspired right now to bring this writing interface back into my life. At least right now. Maybe it's because things are going pretty well for me and mine. Maybe it's because my New Found Freedom has me all into myself enough to think someone, anyone, will ever read this stuff. Maybe, just maybe, I really want to express how grateful I am for everything in my life.

Encouraged by my dearest Staub, I have been introduced to gratitude lists. I mean, I've heard about all this before. Gratitude and expressing it isn't anything new. It's really amazing when you stop and think, specifically, about what you're grateful for. Because I for one have a shitload to be thankful for. Another word, according to my Guru Staub, is Love. Love defined is gratitude merely simplified. Or rather, gratitude and thanks all bundled cozily in a plush, quilted, fleece lined bunting, tied with a soft cozy bow. In a four letter word.

Lucky you! You get to read what I've been thinking since January 1st, 2010.

1. I love my children.
2. I love the new found relationship Jon and I have discovered.
3. I love having a job.
4. I love feeling free.
5. I love spending time with my friends.
6. I love long road trips filled with music, laughter, and good scenery.
7. I love my new car.
8. I love having a warm home.
9. I love cupboards full of food.
10. I love evolving with my daughter.

1. I am grateful for my close relationship with my daughter.
2. I am grateful for having a healthy family.
3. I am grateful for health insurance.
4. I am grateful for drinking water from the tap.
5. I am grateful for my relationships with strong women.
6. I am grateful for my relationships with real men.
7. I am grateful for Jon's unconditional love and support.
8. I am grateful for my sister and her unconditional love and support.
9. I am grateful for my camera.
10. I am grateful that I can go home to love.