What's good for the goose

Last night I began reading Please, Sir for the virtual book tour I am participating in for my friend Rachel. Meaning, I am going to be providing what I understand to be a literature review of the book. Or at least that's the angle I'm taking.

Speaking of angles, my head took about a 45 degree angle while my eyes widen and my nose crinkles, accompanied by my blushing face. Reading this book is not for the faint of heart. Rather, a reader open to observing another person's hot, steamy, heart-pounding, toe-curling orgasm recount of what it means to be submissive or dominated by someone else. Who ever thought I'd write that in this blog?

Preparing for my review leaves me with a lot of opinions and unanswered questions I'm guessing this audience may refute. Although my angle is from a person far less experienced in this topic, it is coming from a great place of nonjudgment and acceptance.

Now kindly shut Mommy's door so she can continue her stories...

To feel like a woman

It's a good thing Jon forced me to I opted out of the Valentine's Day traditions of obligatory gift giving. Jon believes Valentine's Day to be a holiday completely manufactured by Hallmark. Suckers who buy into the supposed responsibility of Showing Her You Care while perpetuating the cycle of bullshit consumption from China. And Blood Diamonds. Kind of like Wal Mart.

Isn't that romantic?

Instead of traveling through year after year of complete and utter disappointment, I successfully denied my inner hopeless romantic. Now that I'm "single," you guys, the thought of exchanging gifts goes from obligatory to fun. And exciting. And spontaneous. And loving. And caring. And...and...and...

While I can force myself to understand Jon's opposition to said holiday, I also appreciate sharing tokens of one's love. Sure I talked myself into bashing STUPID VALENTINE'S DAY! for ten years. That's called SURVIVAL. Having a relationship with someone who thinks surprising a loved one with flowers is a waste of money jaded my perception of romance.

Jon's idea of romance: Wining and dining? Let's just skip to the sixty-nining.

My idea of romance: GO ASK ANY WOMAN!

That's not appropriate

While schlepping kids here and there yesterday, I overheard a conversation between Gil and Egan from the backseat.

Egan: [referring to his new Valentine's Barbie he pleaded for at the grocery store the other night] She's hot.

Gil: Egan you can't say Barbie is hot. That's not appropriate.

I'm gonna share some gratitude and shit

I actually feel inspired right now to bring this writing interface back into my life. At least right now. Maybe it's because things are going pretty well for me and mine. Maybe it's because my New Found Freedom has me all into myself enough to think someone, anyone, will ever read this stuff. Maybe, just maybe, I really want to express how grateful I am for everything in my life.

Encouraged by my dearest Staub, I have been introduced to gratitude lists. I mean, I've heard about all this before. Gratitude and expressing it isn't anything new. It's really amazing when you stop and think, specifically, about what you're grateful for. Because I for one have a shitload to be thankful for. Another word, according to my Guru Staub, is Love. Love defined is gratitude merely simplified. Or rather, gratitude and thanks all bundled cozily in a plush, quilted, fleece lined bunting, tied with a soft cozy bow. In a four letter word.

Lucky you! You get to read what I've been thinking since January 1st, 2010.

1. I love my children.
2. I love the new found relationship Jon and I have discovered.
3. I love having a job.
4. I love feeling free.
5. I love spending time with my friends.
6. I love long road trips filled with music, laughter, and good scenery.
7. I love my new car.
8. I love having a warm home.
9. I love cupboards full of food.
10. I love evolving with my daughter.

1. I am grateful for my close relationship with my daughter.
2. I am grateful for having a healthy family.
3. I am grateful for health insurance.
4. I am grateful for drinking water from the tap.
5. I am grateful for my relationships with strong women.
6. I am grateful for my relationships with real men.
7. I am grateful for Jon's unconditional love and support.
8. I am grateful for my sister and her unconditional love and support.
9. I am grateful for my camera.
10. I am grateful that I can go home to love.

New Plan: Day 2

The best part about creating my own writing goal? I made it up and can amend it as needed. That's the worst: committing to something and then letting yourself down by not following through. That's when you practice unconditional love for yourself and move on.

Our divorce is final. Jon and I completed our Children in the Middle class on Saturday, leaving us feeling validated and closer in our new roles as Partners in Parenting. The whole damn thing still seems surreal. Not only admitting defeat and filing for divorce, but then going through with the whole process.

Hey wait a second...I followed through!

p.s. This post is dedicated to my new dear friend Tara and her subtle nudges to conitnue writing.

Spring is in the air

Almost every song coming up on Pandora sounds to me like a track from Lucious Jackson's Fever In, Fever Out. Is it because around this time of year over 10 years ago I was listening to this album with my stay-in-IC-over-spring-break Airliner friends? Seriously. Spring does something to me. When the sun shines and the birds sing I feel the instinctual need to put on a long skirt, sandals, a tank top, hook up with friends, navigate rural gravels, and, well... Who's with me? Better yet, who WAS with me.

The Four Agreements

1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don't take anything personally
3) Don't make assumptions
4) Always do your best

My very dear friend Julie turned me on to The Four Agreements as a tool to help me work on how I perceive and interact with the world.

If you're searching for a little guidance, give it a shot.