To feel like a woman

It's a good thing Jon forced me to I opted out of the Valentine's Day traditions of obligatory gift giving. Jon believes Valentine's Day to be a holiday completely manufactured by Hallmark. Suckers who buy into the supposed responsibility of Showing Her You Care while perpetuating the cycle of bullshit consumption from China. And Blood Diamonds. Kind of like Wal Mart.

Isn't that romantic?

Instead of traveling through year after year of complete and utter disappointment, I successfully denied my inner hopeless romantic. Now that I'm "single," you guys, the thought of exchanging gifts goes from obligatory to fun. And exciting. And spontaneous. And loving. And caring. And...and...and...

While I can force myself to understand Jon's opposition to said holiday, I also appreciate sharing tokens of one's love. Sure I talked myself into bashing STUPID VALENTINE'S DAY! for ten years. That's called SURVIVAL. Having a relationship with someone who thinks surprising a loved one with flowers is a waste of money jaded my perception of romance.

Jon's idea of romance: Wining and dining? Let's just skip to the sixty-nining.

My idea of romance: GO ASK ANY WOMAN!

Redefining

2010 has inspired me to redefine a very prominent relationship in my life. Due to divorce, Jon and I have been referring to our new relationship as Partners in Parenting. Considering the other our "partner." Funny how that one word really keeps the people guessing.

Before the wound began to scab I would call Jon my husband or when introducing myself to someone Jon knows: "Jon's wife, Emily." I would justify using these words for simplicity sake. I am learning in my adult life how to provide just enough information when describing something to convey the message while remaining authentic to myself. Does it really matter if the local dairy farmer knows my marital status? He couldn't care less, I'm sure. It's me who cares.

I love waking before the kids to get my work done and enjoy my coffee doing whatever I want.

I am grateful for the clothing I have to keep me warm.

Gratitude Day 2

1. I love my snow ready vehicle
2. I love water
3. I love winter storms
4. I love Pandora on my phone
5. I love my muffin top and am ready to let her go
6. I love Arby's
7. I love connecting with people
8. I love planning for summer fun
9. I love coffee
10. I love feeling at ease

1. I am grateful for a closet of clothes
2. I am grateful for music
3. I am grateful for water
4. I am grateful for internet access
5. I am grateful for my untapped professional creativity
6. I am grateful for being able to go to the grocery store to feed my family
7. I am grateful for my education
8. I am grateful for friendships
9. I am grateful for my health
10. I am grateful for me feet

Ahhhh inspriration!

I've just joined the group Moms Who Drink and Swear on facebook. Finding this niche of women got me thinking...

Being who I am has come at some cost. Cost I am willing to let go. I've pissed off a lot of people. I've watched friendships whither and vanish. Somewhere along the line I vowed to myself that I would never be inauthentic. With myself or anyone else. You ask what I'm thinking? How I feel? I'm going to share my honest gut level truth with you. As well as myself.

Ongoing practice of kindness, respect, acceptance, openness, and tact is in process.

Growing into adulthood, I've learned a lot of people choose to be who they think they're supposed to be. Do what they think they're supposed to do. Allowing others' expectations to affect who we truly are is a slippery slope to a bottomless pit of self degradation and depression.

For me to be honest and true to who I am has relieved a lot of unnecessary hemming and hawing. Second guesses. Self doubt. Instead I have chosen a life of authenticity while focusing on self love. Tact is a tough one for me. NO SHIT! But, my dear friends, what you see is what you get. I have said that forever and ever and now feel I am truly living it.

Sure anti-depressants help, but after a lot of effort and conscious choices, I am who I am. I will not bend to pretend to be something or someone I am not. And I catch a lot of flack for that. Many struggle with honesty and authenticity. Guess what? That's about them. Not me.

Challenge yourself. Stand up for what you believe. While practicing respect, kindness, acceptance, openness, and of course, tact, do what you want to do. Even though those in your life may not agree with or accept you for it. That's about them. Not you.

Go drink and swear, you guys. You deserve it.

I'm gonna share some gratitude and shit

I actually feel inspired right now to bring this writing interface back into my life. At least right now. Maybe it's because things are going pretty well for me and mine. Maybe it's because my New Found Freedom has me all into myself enough to think someone, anyone, will ever read this stuff. Maybe, just maybe, I really want to express how grateful I am for everything in my life.

Encouraged by my dearest Staub, I have been introduced to gratitude lists. I mean, I've heard about all this before. Gratitude and expressing it isn't anything new. It's really amazing when you stop and think, specifically, about what you're grateful for. Because I for one have a shitload to be thankful for. Another word, according to my Guru Staub, is Love. Love defined is gratitude merely simplified. Or rather, gratitude and thanks all bundled cozily in a plush, quilted, fleece lined bunting, tied with a soft cozy bow. In a four letter word.

Lucky you! You get to read what I've been thinking since January 1st, 2010.

1. I love my children.
2. I love the new found relationship Jon and I have discovered.
3. I love having a job.
4. I love feeling free.
5. I love spending time with my friends.
6. I love long road trips filled with music, laughter, and good scenery.
7. I love my new car.
8. I love having a warm home.
9. I love cupboards full of food.
10. I love evolving with my daughter.

1. I am grateful for my close relationship with my daughter.
2. I am grateful for having a healthy family.
3. I am grateful for health insurance.
4. I am grateful for drinking water from the tap.
5. I am grateful for my relationships with strong women.
6. I am grateful for my relationships with real men.
7. I am grateful for Jon's unconditional love and support.
8. I am grateful for my sister and her unconditional love and support.
9. I am grateful for my camera.
10. I am grateful that I can go home to love.

Happy birthday, love